Dear Everyone

Dear Everyone,

I hope this email finds you as well as can be in these strange times.

What a year!

Little Billy passed grade 2 clarinet (distinction) and will hopefully take grade 3 in the Spring – regulations permitting.

We heard this morning that Clementine has been awarded a place at St Swithun’s; places are hotly contested so we’re very proud of her and she is very excited.

Arthur was once again the star of his school musical Fiddler on the Roof where he excelled in his role as Lazar Wolf.

Sadly, Leo and Sarah parted company this year. They both wanted different things, but thankfully the parting was amicable.

Lizzie continues to work hard and is now Vice President of Sales (Global) earning six figures despite still being in her 20s (just!).

In June we said goodbye to Spotty who passed away in her sleep at the age of 18 – not bad for a cat with 3 legs. She was an inspiration to us all.

I’m telling you all this when I know most of you won’t even know who Billy is or whether Leo is animal, vegetable or mineral.

In fact, it’s not personalised at all and instead lurches from passive aggressive triumph to full-scale tragedy, with very little warning. This may make you feel uncomfortable, that you’re being talked at, not with, but I don’t mind, because this is the one time of the year when I get to talk about me.

I’m also a dab hand on the computer these days and I can print this out with a full-colour border of mini poinsettias, so if you’re really lucky, you’ll find a copy of this message tucked into your Christmas card too. I believe they call this multi-media!

Despite clearly not really caring an ounce for your wellbeing, I will say at the end that I hope this email finds you in good health. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, even though I can’t really remember who you are, but I think we shared a lovely walking holiday in the Algarve around 2010.

If you’re ever on the M25, exit 2, do drop in, the kettle is always on.

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