How to write content no one will read

Content, content everywhere, and not a drop to drink, as Samuel Taylor Coleridge might have said.

We’re all bloggers now. Well it’s so much easier, isn’t it, than whipping up a podcast, or shooting a vlog?

This means that there’s an awful lot of copy out there.

But no one likes a show off.

So if you don’t want to stand out from the crowd and draw attention to your business, there are lots of ways you can make sure your content sinks without a trace.

Here are some tips:

1. Fill the page with masses of text – people have plenty of time to kill and like to read every single word
2. Don’t add images – they detract attention from your wonderful words
3. Use lots of exclamation marks – people will instantly think you have a sense of humour
4. Talk about you, your qualifications, and when you launched your company – people care about you more than themselves, even though they’ve never met you
5. Use capital letters for Proper Nouns– it make what you’re saying look important
6. Do not use contractions, it is too chatty – keep it formal so you seem professional
7. Use the passive voice – it will make you sound qualified and earn your audience’s respect
8. Keep repeating your sales message – otherwise people won’t understand what your business does
9. Don’t proofread what you’ve written – life’s too short

Hopefully these 9 tips should prevent your marketing efforts from having any impact whatsoever.

For some counter advice, please take a look at these 9 ways to make your website copy more engaging.

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